MY PERFECT PLACE by Lyndon DeRobertis This is a story for those who are searching, or for those who have decided to live their lives with compassion, empathy and love. It will show you that you are not alone... "My Perfect Place" chronicles the progression of my own personal spiritual growth, from longing for a perfect world and for there to be a kind loving God who would make it so, to a realization of a deeper TRUTH that transcends all beliefs and philosophies and religions, and unites us all -- the realization of the Power of LOVE. copyright 1994 Lyndon DeRobertis 1. In the beginning... When I was young I'd lie in bed at night, wishing that when I awoke the next morning there would be a New World -- a world without suffering and sorrow, a world whose Creator wasn't forever silent. I've long since given up such childish hopes. Instead, I've created my own perfect world. You can join me, if you'd like. It's not very far away -- just here inside these pages. Am I so wrong for wanting to play god? Every writer does, in a way. In the beginning there was the Word, so the Bible says. I'll just create a New World with words... Voila. Imagine, if you will, a perfect world. Now, I'm trying, but strange as it may seem, it's not that easy to imagine what a perfect world should be like. What do you think? How about a world just like this one, but where things work out once in awhile? Or maybe something completely different -- a wonderful heaven where every wish comes true? Well, it'll be a lovely world, whatever I decide to do with it. For now, let's just start off with a beautiful Garden. (I hate to steal ideas, but what's more perfect than flowers and trees, and grass and butterflies and birds chirping, and lions lying with lambs, and the whole world of nature harmonizing in a wonderful symphony of peace.) Of course, the only problem with this Paradise is that I can't really be in it. I've got a much better seat than you do, but I'll always be stuck here on the outside peeking in. Well, we'd better put someone in there who can enjoy it. Here's George. I know he's not that much to look at, but I've created him in my own image, if you don't mind. George is the me I wish I could be, so at least something of me will be able to live in this perfect place I'm imagining. I'm so excited, really. I've created this perfect world, and I'm giving it all to George. Oh, I do want to do this right. I want to make him happy. Oh, I just can't keep it in. "HI GEORGE!" George turned his head. Did you see it? He really did! He's alive! My George is alive in a Utopian Paradise! He's speaking. George is going to speak. Shhh. Quiet... "GO AHEAD, GEORGE!" "Er, um...hi, er, um..." Please excuse George's incoherence. It's my fault, actually. I imagined him pure and innocent, fresh and untarnished by thoughts and dreams and notions and schemes and ulterior motives and unfulfilled longings. 1 I'll be teaching him all that is good, of course. I'll nurture him and guide him, and he'll be a wonderful person. Oh, I just love this guy. He's going to be so happy to be alive. Now, wait. What should he call me? God? No, let's not be too presumptuous. Besides, who wants to be called a name that spells dog backwards? Let's see, how about DAD. Can't play that in reverse on your phonograph and come up with something sinister. DAD. I like it. I hope George does! "IT'S ME, GEORGE...DAD!" "Oh, hi, DAD. I love you. Thanks for creating me." What did I tell you. Isn't he just the greatest! And what gratitude. I love this kid. I'll never let anything bad happen to him. And you know, I can do it. I'm the only one with any say about what goes on in my little Paradise. I'm omnipotent. I'm all-powerful, all knowing... (Hey, you know, I could be god -- Good 'Ol Dad...Nah, I want to start this world off right. There won't be any almighty ego- trips working overtime in my perfect world. I will not be a Master demanding blind obedience from a slave who can never look upon my face; a tyrant whose idea of justice is to tempt and taunt his subjects to violate whimsical rules, and then exact cruel and unusual punishments when they do. This is the only way I could see the God that they had told me existed. This is not how I would be for those I would Create. I will be a friend, first and foremost, and we will share a bond of trust and understanding, of reciprocal and unconditional love. Yes, DAD will be just fine!) You know, it feels good being the Creator. I can give this kid anything and everything I've ever wanted. Oh, this is going to be great! "I LOVE YOU, TOO, GEORGE. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN, JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE!" 2 2. My favorite times... This next chapter in my George's life is the most wonderful chapter in my own life. Alas, it was but a brief taste of paradise, savored over a single moment in eternity, but it was shared in a place where time and space have no power, and forever is forever. George climbed the highest mountains and looked out over breathtaking ridges upon a world unspoiled and uncompromised. He leaped into the air and flew with the birds, feeling the rush of life and the roar of the wind in his hair. He ran through flower-filled fields and climbed mighty trees that never had to bend in inclement weather. He swam deep into waters so blue and clear, with fish that teasingly nudged him along to join in their grace and freedom. He lay on the warm sands and felt the sun on his face and the sweet drops of rain that comforted him before he grew too hot. He talked with the animals and danced with the swaying flowers, and sang and sang in perfect harmony with all that was alive around him. And though I was but a shadow in his world, I was with him always. And George was so happy, and we'd laugh and laugh, and he'd exclaim, "Oh DAD, I just love you so much!" and "Oh, what a wondrous, wondrous thing it is to be alive!" 3 3. A marriage of souls... That chapter of uninhibited freedom -- of joyous peace with oneself and all that exists -- would never end for George. He could stay in the Garden forever. But alas, my visits were but brief daydreams of escape from a world no one has ever really understood. I did not want to leave George. Not ever. But alas, of course, I had to face my own world. It was hard to go back, but at least I had George and the Garden to turn to, whenever I could. I'm not crazy -- I realize, of course, that my perfect world is all in my mind; it doesn't really exist. And yet, doesn't it, in a way? Once an idea is conceived and recorded in words that others can read and vicariously experience, that experience does exist in some fashion. It has been transfixed in time, captured and immortalized for others in far distant places or in far distant times to share. And every experience -- whether it is real, imagined, or vicariously gathered -- remains with us in some way, and helps shape us into who we are. So, therefore, the Garden is real, and George does exist. With this insight in mind, I found myself wondering if George had any awareness outside of the times I shared with him. Did his life go on hold while I was away? It was then that I realized that I had created George content to exist only for me, and I felt guilty. At the same time I realized that although George was perfectly happy to remain in the Garden, just the two of us forever and ever, I was starting to get bored. It also occurred to me that I hadn't brought Eve to George's Garden. Was it really that I wanted George all for myself, or was I just not sure about how to bring others into my son's life? After all, relationships are so complicated! We are born into this world alone, and that's the way we leave it. While we're here, we struggle to share who we are with our families and our friends. They almost understand us, sometimes. Even if they don't, at least they accept us. And we long for a stranger to come along who will really "know" us. Sometimes we find a stranger we think we've known forever, and we fall in love. But it's so terribly frustrating, because no one can really touch who we are inside. We may have thought that stranger could, and that's what drew us to them. But then we realize that we imagined most of the person we fell in love with. We had projected our vision of a True Love onto them, and they had done the same. 4 Slowly, like rose petals falling to the ground, the real person behind the veil of illusion is revealed, and we see all too clearly that they don't really understand us at all, and we don't understand them. And we find ourselves growing apart, until we are complete strangers once again, longing for someone who will really know us. Of course, in this world, there are no perfect soulmates! It is only when we realize this that we humans can find some amount of happiness. We need someone to share it all with, to make it all meaningful. Two compatible people can dedicate themselves to each other, and work together on their relationship, making the time to try to understand each other as best as is humanly possible, and in doing so, can share much of who they are. This is the wisdom of sages, a lesson we could all learn that would bring us mortals as close to happiness as anyone could ever hope for. This mortal compromise is necessary for happiness in the world where I come from. It helps fill that empty void that makes us turn away from love and blindly search for an elusive vision of True Love that can never be. Of course, as the creator of a perfect world, I could give my beloved George a perfect soulmate -- a perfect companion to share every thought and dream and desire. And he would be complete, forever. But George already had that perfect companion in me, didn't he? No, I had that in him, but I was an outsider to his world, and so he had nothing without me. I suddenly realized that I had been selfish after all. I was trying to keep George all for myself! When next I returned to the Garden, I brought Eve -- the perfect vision I had once upon a time dreamed I'd find. She was beautiful, and so pure and wonderful. She would never hurt him. She would be his strength, and he would be hers. They would share every thought, every happiness, and there would be so much happiness to share. It would never be the same for me, of course -- No longer would George be living only for me. And yet it might even be better. For George was really me after all, and at long last I would have found my One True Love. I would be everything to them -- father and mother, friend and lover, sharing in their happiness, forever and ever. Of course, George wouldn't look at Eve at first. I was his life and it was complete. But with a stroke of my pen, my two creations fell in love. 5 Oh, the magic and wonder of love. That joyous, bursting thrill that fills our existence, which bubbles over in laughter and in song, and it makes us, oh so happy, as we've never been before, for someone has touched us where we really are, deep inside. Someone knows us, someone has given themselves to us and allows us to give ourselves to them. But George and Eve could share what no mortal man and woman have ever achieved. They really "knew" each other inside, for George was Eve, and Eve was George, and they were both inside of me. And their head- over-heels desire for each other would never subside, as it must for all who are mortal and real. They would be in love for ever and ever. I was not a voyeur as their desires burned in sensual delight, for I was the bride and I was the groom, and together we would share all the wonders of heaven and earth and the imagination. 6 4. The apple tree... Eve was all I'd imagined she'd be. Of course. She was George's perfect companion. They were never apart. Never alone. Even while I was away, I knew they were together, wandering over the hills of compassion, crossing the plains of affection, swimming the tides of love. There is so much beauty in life, and it is all so much more beautiful when there is someone special to share it with. The Garden was limitless, and there was so much to see and do. So much music to make, so much beauty to behold and so much beauty to be held. I ran there as much as I could, to see how my young lovers fared. Of course, they were always so happy to see me. So happy to share their joy and love with me. It was so wonderful, I wished it would never end. And it never had to, for I was so very careful not to leave any apple trees lying about to tempt my beloved children. But, alas, the apple tree was me. Perhaps I was too greedy. Those brief glimpses of a perfect world did make my own world a little easier to bear. The lessons of a perfect love helped show me a better way to live and love and be closer to the me I always wished I could be. And I was working at making my own relationships work, by accepting the Truths I had found, and trying to dedicate myself to those I loved. But it wasn't easy. Having found that perfect love in my mind, I longed for it in my life, too. In an effort to rekindle those feelings of love that two people in the right place at the right time somehow magically transfer to each other, I tried to see my earthly mate in the light I had first seen her. Knowing full well she wasn't really the vision of True Love I had projected onto her when our love was first young, I tried to see Eve in her once again. Of course it was a foolish idea. It did work, for brief moments, but I longed for that happily ever after feeling my George and Eve shared forever. Thinking the problem lay within me, I tried to bring George from the world of the imagined, the world of dreams and hopes, into the here and now. I tried to bring George to the forefront of my palette of personality and individuality. I tried to make myself into the me I longed in my heart and soul to be: George, strong and pure, kind and loving, gentle and wise in a simplicity that transcends all knowledge. 7 It was almost like heaven on earth those few brief moments I was able to sustain the fantasy in reality. I felt that overwhelming love bubble up inside of me, melting the noise and confusion that usually fills the mind, and washing away my cares in a warm, delightful bath of endorphins, leaving me comfortably numb and yet blissfully ecstatic at the same time. Of course, in the world of reality, one can never walk amongst the clouds very long, and the crash as one plummets to earth makes one wary of walking again, let alone testing one's wings. George and Eve need not have changed, of course. The Garden could have remained the same as it had always been. But I'd changed, and so of course, when I returned, I brought the half- eaten apple with me. It was my own tears that they were crying when I found them huddled in the shadows. I had allowed them to see through my eyes by dragging them both into the world of the real. I had plucked the apple of knowledge, and they had swallowed its bitter fruit, and it had choked them and they were suffering the consequential shock that comes with Truth and Understanding, although they were as blameless as tears that fall from the skies, and as pure as the whispers of the trees. I was too ashamed to speak. What had I done? Why had I done it? What would I do now? Should I wipe their minds clean once again, like a great Flood washing away the weeds I had planted in error? Should I protect them from fear, shield them from all that is unjust, fill their world with only that which is beautiful and serene? Or is it better to show them how life really is, so that they will become "well-adjusted," able to face life's tragic moments and grow from them to become better people? Ah, but these are the questions we mortals must face. We live in a strange world, where questions are never really answered, and time is not forever. These are not realities that my beloved need face at all, for theirs is a perfect world, a world without death and suffering, without doubt and uncertainty, without longing and disappointment. I wiped the taste of reality from their lips, and they were as they had been before -- happy once again. But I felt so terribly guilty, and I knew I would never see them as the same two carefree lovers again. 8 5. Farewell, my beloved... Can one grow tired of happiness? There must be something self-destructive built into our genes. I mean, here I've created this perfect place, with a perfect woman to share in all this perfection, and yet, I guess I was bored after a while. I mean, it's a nice picture to conjure up when life's cold tidings plop on your doorstep. You close your eyes and picture that dreamy heaven, and the noise in your head is a little quieter, and the smile on your face makes the world seem a little more hopeful... But no matter how beautiful the flowers are, and how blue the sky is, and how calm the water feels as it brushes against your ankles as you walk slowly into the sunset, holding the hand of the woman you love...for some reason, you just want something more. Ah, what fools we mortals be. A good story, they say, must have conflict. The hero must overcome some huge obstacle; whether that great adversary is another character or one's own self is really immaterial, but there must be a climactic battle, ending with a triumph of spirit or of flesh. I always thought the "perfect story" didn't have to have any conflict. Just two lovers together, forever and ever, seeing and tasting all that is beautiful and joyous. That's the story I longed to create, that's the place I longed to escape to. So why were my daydreams straying from the Garden? Perhaps it had been too easy for George, my inner soul. With the flick of my fingers on my computer keyboard, I'd given him his perfect soulmate. He'd never longed for her. He'd never searched. He'd never felt the heartbreak of thinking he'd found the Right One, only to find he'd been fooling himself, and then become disillusioned and doubtful that there really is someone out there just for him, and then, just when he'd given up hope, he'd find her, and he'd be so happy, and all the pain would seem to fade away, and for the first time life had meaning and purpose and... Well, the next time I peeked into the Garden there was no Eve. She was but a far distant future yet to experience. George had a hunger in his eyes. A youthful childlike excitement and wonder. "Hi, DAD!" "HI, GEORGE," I sighed, for I was not so sure I had done such a good thing, after all. 9 "Don't be so glum, DAD! Come on, we're going to have a great time out there. Just you wait and see. Come on, let's go. Just you and me, pal, my Dear ol' DAD!" I sighed deeply, and as I brought him beyond the Garden, I could hear Eve's voice whisper from a time yet unseen, "Bye, George... Farewell, my love, I'll wait for you." A tear clouded my view as the Garden faded into the mist of my soul, and I joined George who sat waiting patiently, straddled atop a space ship. He laughed as it sped through the night of stars towards a New Day filled with excited anticipation, and he "Yipeed!" and "Yahooed!" and "Wheeeed!" and I smiled, and we plunged ahead without a care in our hearts. 10 CHAPTER 5 REVISITED. If only there were a Shangri-La... As George and I blasted off for the great beyond, I guess I envisioned a life of comic-book adventures for our invincible hero as he righted wrongs and searched for love and truth and fulfillment. And of course I was there by his side, his all- powerful guardian, ready to remove all obstacles with the dash of the pen, ready to grant his every wish and desire. So, what did I do? I forgot about my perfect world for months. I deserted George, my alter-ego who got to taste the fruits of Shangri-La. It's not that my life was suddenly so exciting that I didn't need the escape I'd created anymore. Not by a long shot. I'll be the first to tell you, I've been disappointed with what life has to offer from the moment I first tasted self-awareness at the age of 10; I've never been satisfied or content for more than a moment. Still, here I'd given myself the unique opportunity to experience the world I had always complained I was missing...But I was too caught up in trying to get by in the "real world." Shackled with responsibilities of providing for those who need me, I am forced to do what I can to make a living, rather than what I long inside to pursue. And though that Perfect Place was there in the back of my mind, a frequent reminder of my innermost dreams and desires, it hurts inside to try and think of a perfect world. For I know that the world in which I live is so flawed, and the world keeps on spinning, and people laugh and cry and live and die, and I am enslaved by the whims of fate, and I struggle on, hoping in my heart that the day will come when things start to fall into place. And yet, I know in my brain that there is probably no plan or rhyme or reason to this life at all. Oh, if only there were a Shangri-La. But the truth is I really don't know what a Perfect World would be anyway. All my life I've read books and watched movies, hoping all the way through that Answers would be revealed to me. Answers that would point the way to a New World where everyone is happy. It would be a simple path, which I had just overlooked, somehow. But then it would all make sense, and everything would finally be right. As I try to imagine a perfect world, my mind is bombarded with voices that I've heard and lines that I've read, and they are all screaming that a Perfect Life would be "boring" and "antiseptic" and that we as human souls need and thrive on the 11 rough, uncertainty of this life. And as those voices crumble into the depths of my forgotten past, they are replaced by clones that utter the same ridiculous rationalizing nonsense. Humans have to think that way. Knowing life will never be perfect, we frown upon the thoughts of a beautiful world, and call it childish to wish for such foolishness. Because we can't always get what we want, and when we eventually do get what we wanted we are never content, we tend to think of those who seem content with their lives as empty-headed. Why do we think we are only "alive" when we are fighting an unbeatable foe? Far and few between are the works of beauty that come to light out of celebration and joy. Most of humanities greatest achievements were accomplished because of a longing inside us. An empty yearning that burns in our souls, making us discontent with what we have, disappointed with what life has brought us. That longing drives us onward, blinding us to the path upon which we walk, forcing us to stare only forward towards achieving some great goal. That drive for greatness gives us the strength to rise above the barbed wire fences and the mine-scattered swamps that try to bog us down along the way. It makes us fight when the odds are so much against our ever succeeding. But that longing is a two-edged sword. For whenever we reach our goals, disappointment does not subside. We quickly lose the pride and sense of accomplishment that success sometimes bestows, and that yearning grows stronger, and we must fight another battle, because our victory was not enough to satiate that unquenchable emptiness in our souls. But in a perfect world, longing does not have to be the driving force in the pursuit of excellence, the driving force that gives us inner meaning and a reason to live. In a perfect world, there is no reason why a person cannot, out of the sheer joy of living, strive to grow and expand his horizons, ever grateful for the many enlightening experiences each new day brings. Right? But how does a dream of a better world help us to be content in the Real world? And then I hear George whispering to me, "Dad, take it moment by moment, and then you will see there could be a whole eternity of Perfect Moments." Alas, poor George can see it that way because he has me to guide him, but I fear that we who walk together in this world of Reality have no one to rewrite our Play, which has so much 12 potential, but is so badly flawed that it is often hard to sit through without crying out in anger, "It's not fair, it isn't right...Isn't there anyone out there to wipe away our tears..." As a child there is so much hope for Life. It has such a glow and we are awed and we know in our hearts that all is good, or we dream that someday all will be good and right and wonderful, and we will know all the answers, and they will be enlightening, and will only make the world even more magical than it already is in a child's daydreams. But little by little we learn more about the world in which we live. Blow by blow we realize we are far from a Perfect Place. Why can't life be simple and good and full of magic and wonder, like it is in the innocent eyes of a child? Why do we have to "grow up" and face the hard cold "facts" of death and disappointment? If only there were a kind, loving Creator out there, like they told us there was, he'd fix it all with a gentle wave of his hand. And then it came to me. Perhaps it was George whispering to me from the far reaches of imagination. Think about that Perfect Place. It's like this world, but it's so very different. Tell them what makes it different! When other dreamers have written down their ideas of a Utopia, they have thought of ways that people could make life a better place. That's a better world, and a wonderful gift to humanity, but it would not bring the world I'm longing for. You have to go back to the very beginning to make my perfect place. You can't just make a few changes here and there -- you have to rewrite all the rules. Don't get me wrong, I am fascinated and awed by the complex simplicity of the laws that hold our Reality together. It all seems to make sense, logically, even though no human will ever totally understand it all. But it just isn't fair. It just isn't right. Sure, from an objective scientific viewpoint, everything has a season and a purpose. But on a personal level, the cosmic irony that holds our universe together is flawed and unjust. It all may work out in the end as dust returns to dust, but why does the brief stroll from the cradle to the grave have to be so damn disappointing? Anyway, I've tried to think about where it all went wrong. How it could have been better with a different set of rules. I don't have all the answers, and maybe you could think of a better list of changes, but here are some of the Instructions to rewrite the blueprints for this Universe, to make it into a Utopian Paradise. 13 This is the world in which George will always live. This is the world I would wish for myself and for the trillions upon trillions of living things that will live and dream and die, never really knowing what it was all about. If I were your God, these are the blueprints I would use to wipe away the tears that have flowed since the beginning of time, and replace them with the Joy of Life. With all I have seen to convince me otherwise, I still find myself longing and hoping that there is a kind, loving Creator out there. I wish I could believe it, but I can't. Still, just in case there is: Dear God, here are 50 steps for creating a better world... 14 50 STEPS TO A PERFECT WORLD 1. There is a good, loving Creator that we can always turn to for help and comfort. 2. Life never loses the awe and the innocence and the simplicity that it holds in the hopes of a child. 3. There is a reason for living: to experience and share the joys of life. 4. There is a Plan for the Universe: Happiness for everyone. And yet we are masters of our own destiny. We may choose any path we wish to reach that goal. 5. There is no death. 6. No living creature has to kill another living creature to survive -- all life harnesses energy from the sun. An infinite variety of fruits (non-living plant products) satisfy eating pleasures. 7. All living creatures live in harmony with all others, since survival is no longer the driving force of nature. 8. Thus there is no disease, illness or fear. 9. There is no deformity. Every living creature is perfectly formed with complete use of all of its senses and physical and intellectual facilities to enable it to fully enjoy the wonder of life. 10. All things are beautiful -- there is an infinite standard of beauty so that nothing is more beautiful than anything else, and yet each facet of beauty is unique and noteworthy. 11. Propagation of species is no longer a driving force of nature. New life is born when there is a need to fill a missing niche in the ecosystem, or when parents are ready for the responsibility, Thus bacteria do not grow out of control, rabbits do not mate like rabbits, and people do not have unwanted pregnancies. 15 12. Our consciousness is intimately in touch with all of Nature, linking every living thing in a bond of brotherhood. 13. Matter does not decay. 14. The universe is infinite, friendly, and open to all living creatures to explore and settle. 15. There is Magic in Life. (Matter is not necessarily bound by time and space. Particularly in emergencies, when these laws are suspended, so that there are no accidents or mistakes.) 16. Good things never turn bad -- the only strings attached to good things that happen are more good things. 17. Everyone has all they need. There is plenty for all to live and grow and pursue happiness. 18. Everyone has all they want, and we only want what is good for us and for those we love. 19. There is meaning and purpose for every person's life. Everyone has a unique and special gift which is valuable to themselves and to society as a whole. 20. The only "work" people have to do is to cultivate their gifts and skills -- they do not have to perform meaningless tasks that they hate in order to survive. 21. Hard work and perseverance are the only requirements for succeeding at anything you want to achieve. 22. There is no pain to endure before you accomplish something meaningful. (Delivering a baby into the world, for example, is a joy, and you need not struggle through years of disappointments before you find your dreams.) 23. The road to your dreams is paved with milestones that encourage you to keep on trying until you get there. 24. Never is heard a discouraging word. 25. When you reach your dreams they are as wonderful as you thought they would be. And that wonder never fades. 16 26. No one is ever disappointed. 27. No one grows old. As we acquire the wisdom that comes with age, we become better able to experience, appreciate, and share the joy of life. 28. There are no nightmares and no dark side of life. God created the heavens and the earth and they were good. 29. All people are good. They are born that way, and life's experiences reinforce that goodness. 30. Every childhood is a wonderful, nurturing experience that helps children grow into adults without insecurities, hangups or unfulfilled needs and desires to manipulate their actions. 31. There is no greed, jealousy, hatred, distrust, selfishness, or need for power and dominance or to be "the best," for we are all secure in being ourselves. 32. Competition is not necessary to drive us towards goals, for in our security we have no need to prove anything to anyone. 33. People are only too happy to share all the joys that they have discovered. "Mine" is not a gut reaction in a perfect world, because there is plenty for everyone, so we don't have to greedily hoard possessions in fear that someday we might not have them anymore. And there are no limitations on what we can be, so we don't have to grab whatever we can in hopes that it will give us meaning and purpose. 34. We are not alone in the world -- You can truly "Know" those you love by merging souls in the ultimate sensual and spiritual encounter. 35. We don't have to hide in shame and guilt behind fig leaves. Everyone always does the right thing, for the wrong choice is never an option in a perfect world. 36. We are not prisoners in our own bodies. Our spirit, soul, mind, and body are One and work together to enable us to experience the joy of life, and to be the person on the outside that we think of as ourselves on the inside. 17 37. We are not enslaved to a chemical world -- there are no allergies, and the chemicals in foods and drugs and hormones within our own bodies do not control our emotions and desires. 38. There are no addictions to drugs, power, danger, or excitement. Experiencing beauty and sharing the joys we've found are the only "highs" we need. 39. Everyone is content to pursue happiness in its infinite forms. Because happiness is attainable, we do not have a built- in "hunger" or emptiness that self-destructively drives us, and makes us grow tired of the happiness we find. 40. All people are created equal, in intelligence, attractiveness, creativity and skill, each in his own way, so that every person is completely individual, and all have equal opportunity to pursue happiness. 41. The love of friends and family is forever. 42. Goodbye is never forever. Each time you part with someone you love, you know you will soon be together to share all the new joys you have discovered. 43. There is One special person for every one in life. 44. Everyone finds and is content with that One person. 45. A couple shares each other's thoughts, dreams, hopes and aspirations, and there is no conflict or competition, just a mutual bond and desire to help each other grow. 46. There is always enough time to do all the things that you want to do, and always enough time to spend with those whom you love. 47. There are no regrets in life. 48. There is always more to know, and more to see. We do not seek understanding because of a burning need, but for the sheer joy of finding and sharing new experiences. 49. Eternal happiness is never boring. Each revelation or understanding or appreciation of the joys of life is fresh and invigorating, and makes us feel even more glad to be alive. 50. There is a happily ever after and it is called life. 18 Chapter 8 REVISITED. Dream Sweet Dreamers, For The Dream Is Yours... Well, now that I've gotten that off my chest and I sort of have an idea of the kind of world it is I'm longing for, it's time to let that inner part of me live it. I must admit, as I sit here with the blueprint for a Joyful world in my hands, I still have no idea how to show you a glimpse of that perfect world without it seeming so blissfully boring. Why must our view be tarnished by the flaws that permeate our existence? Why must we burn inside with an emptiness that makes us curse our pains and misfortunes and long for a better day, but when we get there, that same emptiness causes us to grow tired of our hopes and joys and carelessly cast them aside so that we can continue to search for something else we won't ever be satisfied with if we ever find it? I do hope that if you are searching for a perfect place, you will take "The 50 Steps To A Perfect World" by itself as you begin to think of what your vision of that perfect place would be. Remember that my story of George's life in a perfect world is distorted by my own shortcomings and imperfections. But the 50 Steps can be the staircase that could lead you to a fuller, more beautiful vision. A vision that could lift the spirit of humanity, and bring our collective consciousness that much closer to the peace and happiness that would make us more complete. Enough babbling excuses and pathetic rationalizations. I'm going back. Back to that perfect place... 19 REVELATIONS: OUR PERFECT PLACE When I returned to George's world to give him his story in the first writing of "My Perfect Place" it was with deep sorrow. I did not believe that I would ever find my perfect place, and I wanted so much for him to have it, so I was giving it up. But something happened to me since I wrote this story. My own story has been rewritten, and so I had to add this chapter, for it was not complete before. Before I go back to that perfect place, let me tell you what happened to change my life. It happened during one of those endless nights I sometimes faced, when the day-to-day struggle had subsided, leaving me with only my thoughts and my longings and my loneliness, and no hopes or desires seemed relevant, and no purpose seemed evident. That night I refused to go on waiting and waiting for something to happen to make my perfect place real. I demanded that something come. I demanded that my life should change. And it did! Of course, one could say that nothing "magical" really happened at all. It was just that someone happened to say what I needed to hear at the right moment, and I myself imagined it as a magical encounter. But I like to believe that although a stranger was speaking, it was Eve -- the embodiment of all women, in fact of all humanity -- speaking through her, whispering to me from the deepest part of my soul, where she waits patiently and longingly for George to bring her a perfect world. The words she spoke to me were not unfamiliar. In fact, I had thought about it all before -- many times. I had just refused to believe the TRUTH that I had found so long ago. The message that Eve brought me was simple. She told me that LOVE is real. That LOVE would change my life, and LOVE, through me, and all who LOVE, would change our world and make it into my perfect place. I must admit that at first I did not recognize her voice. This is what happened to me. Someone contacted me and told she had read "My Perfect Place." She told me that she, too, longed for such a world. My heart leaped for joy. At that time I did not know that anyone else felt the way I did. Immediately I felt "connected" to this person I had just met. She told me that we are all ONE. I felt hesitant at first, although something stirred inside me, whispering that this is a truth that I had already found. 20 I suddenly "remembered" that my heart's longing for a kind loving God to wipe away the sorrows of the world was not the only way that I had seen God. Now before I tell you what it is that I believed, I must tell you that it was my truth, not necessarily THE TRUTH. I offer it here not as THE ONLY WAY to truth, but only as the way that brought me to where I am... I remembered that reason had shown me that God is Everything. Everything that ever was. Everything that will ever be. And Everything that can be. This Everythingness is the Ultimate Consciousness. It is neither good nor bad. For it is Everything. But, to be Everything is to be ONE. And with nothing outside of itself, this ultimate consciousness could not experience itself. And so, through an evolutionary process, this ultimate created living creatures with consciousness, so that it could experience everything that it IS. Our bodies and the bodies of every living creature are the sense organs through which the Ultimate has awareness. Thus, that part of us inside that makes us alive -- our spirits -- is a part of that Ultimate Consciousness. We Are ONE inside, though we live separate lives in separate bodies. This is what I told this new friend I had made. This friend who helped me to find TRUTH. Then she said that LOVE makes us ONE. I am not sure whether I had ever made this connection before. Yes, I believed that love could bring happiness. When we love selflessly, without expecting anything in return, we feel true happiness. But did LOVE make us ONE? My heart cried out that it believed this to be true as well. For the True essence of "spirit" cannot be comprehended in this physical world, for it is not a physical manifestation. Love is the expression of spirit within the constraints of this material world. For it is only through LOVE that we transcend our physical limitations and can "FEEL" that we are connected with another living creature. And she told me that first we must love ourselves for who we are. That does not mean, she assured me, that we should not seek to try to be more like the person we long to be, for we must. But we must first accept our lives, and only then can we make them better. 21 Then we must live in the NOW. Not yearning for the past, or longing for the future but LIVING in the present, BEING with a person with all that is in us. And my heart cried out, yes! We must walk in the path of LOVE. We must dedicate ourselves to try and live our daily lives with love, empathy and compassion, without expecting anything in return. And we must re-dedicate ourselves to this goal in every interaction with every living creature we encounter. Then we will find that perfect place one moment and one heart at a time. And this will bring happiness. Sometimes it will be returned in kind. Sometimes it will come from unexpected places. Sometimes it comes from within, when our own hearts reward our selflessness. But happiness will always come when we try to be true to this Vision of LOVE. I was flying in wonder and in awe. I had finally found something that I KNEW with all my heart was TRUE. This was the first time that I had really felt anything was deeply and totally TRUE. Then this stranger and this friend of mine told me that Love is more than a force, more than a Power. The Ultimate of which I spoke was LOVE. I had always wanted to believe that the Ultimate was Love. That God is Love. Somehow, knowing that someone had read "My Perfect Place" and believed in it -- more than that, believed that it could be -- I let myself believe that God is LOVE. In that moment I was filled with a greater joy than I had ever known. That moment lasted quite a while. But then I fell. I remembered the world. I remembered the world I live in. The world where people suffered great pains and sorrows. If God were LOVE, how could he have created this world so? And she spoke with calmness and gentleness. And she said that Fear causes pain and suffering. We have to Believe in LOVE, that our inner being is LOVE, strong enough to overcome Fear. Alas, I could only sigh, and think what a beautiful vision -- if only it were true... Later, I would hear others tell me that we are the masters of our destiny. Every thing that happens to us, we have brought to ourselves, to teach us lessons of love and life and strength. And when things do not work out, it is because we did not believe strong enough, or want it badly enough. This brought me great sorrow. Deep sorrow. For I felt that it is the same burden that religions ask us to bear. We must have "faith" even when reason says it cannot be so. Does an 22 unborn child bring birth defects upon itself that will cause pain and suffering for itself and the ones it loves? Has the tiny newborn baby who never lives to leave the hospital chosen to have such a short sad life? All I could think was that we who are searching just seem to set ourselves up to fall. Why do we need a package deal -- full of all the answers in order to believe anything at all. And then when it is proven to our hearts that one part of our beliefs cannot be so, we stumble and we fall. Sometimes we rise, stronger in our belief, yes, but more often than not we get disillusioned and forget all the things we had found that were important, until we find our way again. I had found the most important TRUTH of all. That Love is Real. I don't know that Love is that Ultimate. I don't know what Love really is. A force? A power? I only KNOW that LOVE has changed me inside. It has changed my life, and by living with love and compassion and empathy in my daily life and expecting nothing in return, I can help change other lives. Why can't we just accept that LOVE is real and let that be enough? Let life be a mystery that we will never totally understand. We are all here together, each of us alone. Pain and sorrow and suffering will creep in all around us, and sometimes overwhelm us. But LOVE can change things. We can help each other through LOVE. We can help bring moments of true Happiness for those around us, and for ourselves by walking the path of LOVE. LOVE is REAL. LOVE will allow us to help in so many ways, but it won't always seem to work out. Why can't we just love and know that love is never in vain. Sometimes the love we share may not seem to make a difference, and sometimes too, we must learn when to let go. There is so much pain and sorrow and suffering -- how can we expect to help alleviate it all at once? We can only love as we are able, for we must live to love again. If only we can remember that love is never wasted. The light you shine will help someone, sometime -- perhaps not even the person you intended to help, perhaps not for a long time will the example of your love suddenly bring light into the darkness, though years had passed since you shared that selfless act. Love, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things that I can, And Wisdom to know the difference... This is what my heart cried out. And I suddenly realized that it didn't matter that we did not see eye to eye about one of our Beliefs. Beliefs are really not important. They help us to grow so that we may find the Power of Love and the strength it 23 brings us. And Beliefs give us strength once we find this Truth. But when they stand in the way of TRUTH -- which is LOVE, it is time to let those beliefs go. This is what my heart told me. This is the reason I did not fall when I knew in my heart that the Beliefs that she believed were not exactly the same beliefs that I believed. For I knew that the most important of all Beliefs was the same for me and for her, and that is all that matters! Whatever people believe is fine, if it brings them to LOVE. We are humans in this world, and we need the strength of Belief sometimes. Personally, I knew in my heart the ONLY Truth that I will ever be certain of is that LOVE IS REAL. LOVE WILL CHANGE OUR LIVES. And this will be enough for me... Once I accepted this revelation, strange things started to happen... I discovered that my earthly mate believed in the Power of Love, too. Of course she did. That's what drew me to her, once upon a time. But I didn't know, and she didn't know, because neither of us had put this life goal into words. And yet, this is the way that she has always tried to live her life -- walking in LOVE. The magic did not stop, although I must admit, being human, I stumbled many times as I tried to re-dedicate my life to LOVE. The more I reached out, the more things changed. Soon I found a whole circle of people who believed in LOVE. And each day that circle grew. And yes, we all had different beliefs. But when we realized that we were all united in the one TRUTH that mattered, those differences were not stumbling blocks, but new insights to help us to grow. And we grew and will grow together. And we will help each other to remember the TRUTH we know in our hearts, when life has made us stumble and we forget what it really is all about, when we forget that really We Are All One in LOVE. And so now you know what has happened to me. Now you know why I can return to "My Perfect Place" in joy. Why I am not seeking an escape from a reality I temporarily could not bear, as I often used it for in the past. And though I will stumble and fall countless times in my life, I have "FOUND" the path upon which I had always walked, but never knew. And on that path, the path of LOVE, George and I Are One. And I will live in my perfect place, moments at a time. But those moments will grow longer and longer as my strength in LOVE increases. 24 I see clearly now that "My Perfect Place" is the Heaven I have always longed to go HOME to. I don't know whether or not I will go there when this life is over. I will always hope that it is so. But I do know with all my heart that in those moments we share in LOVE, we are HOME, and we will make HEAVEN one moment and one heart at a time. I am going back now. Back to that perfect place. I shall give it to George, as I offer it to you... 25 Chapter 8. Dream Sweet Dreamers, For The Dream Is Yours... GEORGE, GEORGE, IT'S ME, DAD. ARE YOU THERE, GEORGE? Hi, DAD. Oh, DAD I've missed you so. I AM HERE GEORGE. I AM ALWAYS HERE -- FOR WE ARE ONE. I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU, GEORGE. NEVER, EVER. BUT I WILL NEVER STAND IN YOUR WAY AGAIN. YOU LIVE. YOU ENJOY THIS WONDERFUL UNIVERSE I WILL CREATE FOR YOU. I'LL LIVE IT ALL WITH YOU, AND I'LL HELP YOU, WHENEVER YOU WANT ME TO. Thanks, DAD. But I like just being a part of your story. YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL, GEORGE. BUT THIS IS YOUR STORY. I'VE MADE IT FOR YOU, BUT I'VE BEEN KEEPING IT FOR MYSELF. I CAN ONLY TRULY SHARE IT WITH YOU, WHEN I GIVE IT TO YOU. GO. I'LL BRING YOU PEOPLE AND THINGS YOU CAN SEE AND TOUCH AND FEEL. YOU CAN REACH OUT AND EXPERIENCE THEM. AND I WILL BE WITH YOU, FOR WE ARE ONE. PLEASE, GEORGE, DON'T CRY... OK, DAD. But I need you. DON'T BE AFRAID, GEORGE. I'M NOT LEAVING YOU ALONE. YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO ME. I WILL ALWAYS LISTEN, AND I WILL ALWAYS ANSWER YOU. NOW LOOK AT THIS WONDERFUL UNIVERSE FULL OF LIGHTS AND HOPE AND PROMISE. DO YOU FEEL THE LIFE AND THE ENERGY, GEORGE? I do, DAD. I feel it rustling though my body. It feels so good to be alive. YES, GEORGE. YES! NOW GO. GO AND LIVE, AND I WILL LIVE WITH YOU. But where shall I go, DAD? ANYWHERE. EVERYWHERE. THIS IS YOUR WORLD, GEORGE. 26 CHAPTER 9. And DAD Gave Man The Heavens and the Earth... I still remember that first moment when I looked out at all the wonders of life. It still thrills me the same way now. It's been a great life. I wake up each day, happy to be alive, because I know the day will be another chance to grow. Another chance to share the wonders of all I've found with those whom I love. And I love them all, all who share this life with me. It's so comforting to know that the Creator of all this wonder is there watching over us, sharing all our joys. I must admit, I don't always remember to thank him for all that he brings me. In fact, I often forget about him for days on end. But he never forgets about me. When I call him, he answers. When I'm confused about something, he makes the way clear. In those rare occasions when I don't think something is right in this life he's created, we talk about it. He listens as I explain. I listen as he explains. Usually I understand, and realize I was just being selfish or childish. But if we decide it wasn't best after all, he changes it, and apologizes, and we laugh, and life is wonderful. DAD says you can't really understand how life is for me. That makes me sad. I want you to see how wonderful it is. I'd like to share the wonderful happiness I have with you. DAD has explained to me that your world isn't like mine. I must admit, there is so much I just can't even comprehend. Words like death and disappointment, sickness, sorrow, fear and hatred, just don't mean anything here. And I can't even conceive of a life where the Creator is forever silent. DAD says that if I share some of the wonders I have lived here in my world, then maybe you can find something to bring to yours, to make your life a little more like mine. Oh, please, let me share my happiness with you. 27 10. Where Do I begin to tell the story of how great a life can be? I remember long ago, in the beginning of my story after I had left the Garden, I was sitting on my spaceship staring out at the twinkling stars, and they all smiled at me as I rode off towards them. And though I could not see him, I knew DAD was with me. I didn't have to ask "Are you there?" for I knew he was always by my side. And I'd laugh, because it felt so wonderful to be alive. And he'd laugh with me. And I'd feel his cloak of love wrapped around me, and I knew he'd never, ever leave me. It made me feel so wonderful. I flew through the twinkling fullness of space until I saw a floating blue-green orb, and I felt excitement bubbling up inside me. I knew I was going to be with people for the first time. When I got there I was so full of excitement and happiness, and I just wanted to hug everyone and share all the joys I'd found in my life. But it was strange. The people wouldn't let me get close to them. They wouldn't let me share myself. There was something odd in their eyes. DAD told me they were "sad" and "confused." But I couldn't understand. It just made me want to love them even more. They tried to keep me away. Even as I came near their world, they sent "missiles" to stop me. DAD told me what they were. He told me to wave my hands at them, and they just went away. When I reached their world, and landed in the green, green grass that made me fondly remember my Garden, they pointed what DAD told me were "guns," and "bullets" roared into the air. But I waved my hands, and their guns were quiet. Most of them ran away from me as I reached out to them. DAD said they were "frightened" and "angry." But some let me come near. They brought to me their "sick" and their "forlorn." I never imagined someone could feel "pain." I embraced them, and they were sick no more. The people cried tears of joy, and hugged me and kissed my hands, and I felt a wonderful love for them. They called me their savior. I smiled. "What shall I save you from?" I wondered. "Give us words of wisdom about how we should live," they begged. I shrugged my shoulders. What words could I share? "Live and love and be happy..." That's how I lived my life. 28 "But life is so unfair," they cried. "It is?" They told me about how imperfect their world was. I listened, although I wasn't exactly sure what they meant. I told them about my Garden. They seemed to think it was a wonderful place. "Can I bring them my Garden, DAD?" I asked. "Whatever you wish," DAD replied. The people were in awe when they heard his voice. They fell to their knees and cried again. I waved my hands, and their world was perfect. It was the way it should have been. They cried even louder and grovelled at my feet. DAD explained that they were worshipping me. I wasn't sure I wanted them to worship me. For although their eyes finally sparkled with a little light now, they looked at me strangely, as if I could never be one of them. And there were others too, who were "angry" that I had changed their world. They tried to "hurt" the people that had come to me. Of course I wouldn't let them. But I felt strange seeing that "emptiness" in their eyes. "DAD I don't want people to hate me, or to worship me. I just want them to love and respect me, as they should love and respect all living creatures." "Then make it so," DAD suggested. "But what if they do not want it, would it be right?" DAD and I talked about it. We always discuss things, my DAD and me. I decided I would give them the choice. DAD said he would put all the people who wanted to be in a perfect world there, and all the ones who wanted what they had had, could have it back. I waved my hands and it was so. I felt sad for the first time ever as I watched so many choose the life they had known. But I called out to them as I waved good bye, I promised them they just had to call me, and I would bring them Home. In the Perfect world, I waved my hands, and all were happy and content and fulfilled. It was wonderful to have people to share my happiness with. I stayed with them, my wonderful brothers and sisters, for an eternity. I travelled far and wide across that planet, seeing all there was to see. Sharing all the joys that each of us had discovered. I was as one of them; no one was more special than anyone else, and yet every person was special in his or her own way. 29 I could have stayed there forever. DAD said eventually I would. But I started to dream about Eve. At first I would just see her face. How beautiful it was. Then, slowly, I remembered a time yet to be, when she would be a wonderful part of me. Each day when I awoke, after dreaming of Eve, I could sense that was something was missing in my life. But I was as happy as ever. "Yes, I must search for her," I decided. "I will find her, and then a new chapter of my life will begin. I don't know how many paths I must walk down to find her, but I will, and until then I will grow as I experience more of the joys of living, and when I find her I will share them all with her." I waved good bye to all those I had loved, and I loved them all. They thanked me for sharing Life with them, and I promised them that I would always be in their hearts, just as they would be in mine. I climbed on top of my spaceship and laughed "Giddeeyap," as I blasted up towards the stars. I felt good as I roared through space. I could still see their smiles in my mind, and I knew those smiles would never fade. DAD whispered that there were other worlds in need out there. I had many hearts to mend, many wrongs to right, many joys to find. -The Beginning- 30